Spring Break 2017 - Spain
Time seem to past faster and faster each year. I've taken a second group of student on a trip during spring break, this time to Spain. It marked the last and final time I will be working with EF tours. While others have envied my free trips abroad, each time I attend these excursions I become less and less enamored, even if I was visiting different places. The endless tourist traps and cliche photo opps all blur and become the same.
One thing I did notice, is that regardless how much people claim to be city folks and how much they enjoy the luxury, everyone have always found the excursions to a less touristy and less well known place, to be the highlight of their trip. Namely Toledo, Spain and Assisi, Italy. As for me and all my European travels, my most memorable moments of the 21 day trip was left on the mountains of Austria, between the alpine slide and the 2 mile hike to the top of mount Gole.
Phaedon once said to me that traveling makes more friends, but less deeper friendships. At the time, I said to him with confidence and a shrug of my shoulder, "who cares". As I look back at all the people I have met on all my trips, the ones I kept in touch and the ones I wish I had known better but never did, I am left to wonder, "do I care?". I'm not sure I can answer that question with such confidence now.
Ever since I have finished my novel, I grew more and more verse at disconnecting with people, that it shocks even me. I am surprise how easily I can feel a strong connections to places and people in the moment and completely lose them the next second without nostalgia or a yearning to reclaim my loss. It is as if the loss itself is not of my own and the experience is seen through the lens of someone else, and only for a fleeting moment. To quote what new generation would have say, I am able to not "catch them feelings". My thing is, this social response has become automatic. I disassociate with people and things as quickly as I connect with them, I never turn it off, and I never linger. Perhaps, even in the new age of digital connection the old adage that Phaedon quoted still have its values. Or more likely, I'm just shutting people out to avoid them from disappointing me.
Recently, I just finished Outdoor Ed for WOMS. This marked the 6th consecutive year I have participated in ODE program ever since I started being a counselor for MCPS. Even though, we are only 15 minutes away from home and 5 minutes away from civilization (okay 1 min away), it still constitutes as traveling. And in each travel with a group, we create a self sustaining eco system. The longer the travel the stronger the eco system. People depend on each other, people that seldom hangout or perhaps will never hang out, learn to become friends and enjoy each others company.
Perhaps the most gratifying moment for me in any travel, is when social barriers are erased. Age, Race, Gender, Religion, and all that divide us seem to lessen its relevance (for most of us anyways, there is always someone who is rigid and nonconforming). This magic that surface with each travel is the most powerful feeling that I have ever since known. It is truly as Mark Twain wrote, "
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness".
Yet, after each trip, there are always plans to hang out afterwards. The 21 day trip to Europe 3 years ago, with students that we swore would catch up, we never did. The 5 students I went to Italy 2 years ago with, that we agree that we would catch a bite to eat sometime we never did. The trip this past year, I promise that I would meet their parents for Happy Hour, to discuss the trip. I never did, nor did they follow through. It is not for a lack of trying or a lack of sincerity, but as always when we return to our lives, we go back to the conundrum of the rat race. All the social barriers return to us. Race, Religion, Gender, Age, and perhaps ever more relevant for most people, is our social circle (that we don't change. The magic of the travel ends, and lives return to as we have left it.
The longer the trip, the longer the nostalgia, and we hang on to the feeling a little longer. But, so much of our lives is driven by media and social conditioning. I have spent the better part of my life in the last three years, learning and fighting these social conditioning. It has made me very frustrated at how easily people are influence and brainwashed by media. Our perception of what is cool and what is good is high dependent on what is available via media for us to consume.
We are conditioned to believe what is fun. One of the main reason why everyone is going to clubs, getting drunk, or getting high. We are condition to believe what is consider moral by a skewed social standard. Which determines what we can enjoy and what we can not at any given age or gender or race. We digest one bad tv show and movie one after another, no matter how bad it is, as long as they are selling sex appeal white women and white men. We consume these as if we are junkies looking for our next fix, we be are program to believe that white people are the baseline for beauty and masculinity. That being American, or rather White American is the standard we must live up to. This mentality is beyond just our own conditioning, but a conditioning that allows others to be racist and for us to accept those racism as a cultural norm.
My last serious relationship was 3 years ago with an Ecuadorian girl. That relationship lasted 4 years. Long story short, she cheated on me with someone at work. I kicked her out the next day or rather I suspected, and just packed all her stuff. I call her to come by and loaded her car and told her I was done. Since that day, she has religiously contacted me every couple month. Making up silly excuses to email me about nonsense.
Two years later that repetition became more frequent to weekly. I agree to meet with her, to hear her out. To my surprise, she wanted me back in her life, while she kept the other guy she cheated on me with, in her life as well. She was not only matter of fact about the fact that she can have her cake and eat it too, but unapologetic with this unbelievably entitlement and arrogant logic. She asked me if I was "happy", clearly she wasn't. I never answered her, but honestly, I'm pretty happy without someone stressing me. After more conversation of her trying to blame things on me instead of taking any responsibility for her action, I told her to never talk to me again. Of course, that only means she contacted me again several month later. I finally wrote her a really long winded reason why I don't even want to talk to her ever again, that she couldn't even apologize for hurting me is a sign that I had no interest to even keeping her around as a friend. Naturally, I got an apology after I asked for it, which would have meant everything if she said it herself, but alas it meant nothing to me with my prompting. Several month later she contacted me again. I ignored it, but it bothered me so much that I would receive something again, that I contacted her myself, telling her not to contact me unless she has something legitimate to say to me. I finally stop hearing from her. Fingers crossed.
This idea, that people can have their cake and eat it too, is the product of social justice media double talk that has ruin so many peoples lives. A person who gets everything on the back of others has nothing because the things they have have no meaning. The value of what you have becomes meaningless if you did not give up something else to get what you really want. Choices, it is what makes us regret and despair for the wrong decision, and what ultimately makes us happy and content when we make the right ones.
When you can have everything at the expense of others, it may seem like you are omnipotent and a facade of control and false confidence will inspire you to take on politically correct rallies and social justice movements. But the fairy tale world of having it all is a solipsistic one. This solipsistic world will consistently collide with the real world, as your beauty fades, and less people are there to support this delusion of a life style. For most people this realization does not often come too late, but when it does comes it is often met with denial. More often than not, when they finally decide to accept the reality, it is indeed too late.
I started testing my gear memorial day weekend, this was at the Pine Barrens in NJ.
In a year from now, I'm embarking on my trip to circumnavigate the America's (north and south) on my motorcycle for a year. I am terrified of letting go a very plush paying job, wonderful coworkers, and a pretty high standard of living being a bachelor with no debts and all. Each day, as I prep the gears, and test out my bikes for the trip, I am full of doubt, full of fear. I don't know if I will regret going and letting go what I have, it is a revelation that will comes long after my trip has been over. I do know two things that are for certain, I will regret not going when I look back at my life at this opportunity not taken. I also known for certain, that when I'm on the road, it is the only time I truly feel my love for life rekindled and my faith in humanity restored.
2017 - You don't know, what you don't know
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2016 Road Reflections, Todays Parenting and Social Media
The road, whether it be paved or unpaved, has always held its mystic for me. As I visited some of the places, that I stood not more than 3 year ago, a feeling of familiarity comes over me. Where was I three years ago? what bike am I riding? Who was I speaking to? who was in my life? What was I doing at the time? who was I riding with?
A odd sense of dejavu, came over me. I was expecting it. Its natural to see the parallel three year prior, when all the present seem familiar and only the past had differed.
Sometimes when I'm on the road I question myself. Why? why keep riding? What is the end to this? What is its purpose? Most of the time, its a fleeting feeling, and I'm back on the road, but sometimes just sometimes it lingers. It is these times of uncertainty that makes me doubt my life choices. I question everything I've done and the regrets from the most recent to the ones I had thought had long since faded with time.
With infinite of miles ahead, and the thousands of miles left behind, I get lost in my sense of time. I'm not talking about the day of the week or the time of the day. Anyone on vacation can experience such phenomenon. I'm talking about the feeling that time of the past and future is fluid. The feelings of the past becomes my current reality.
As Mr. Casey tells me that he saw on some documentary that, adrenaline junkies live in the "now". He claims to understand where I am coming from, I nodded in agreement, since I enjoy letting people believe what they want of me, especially if it is not true. I don't think I can qualify myself as an adrenaline junkie, that is too crass and over simplified. Not to mention the road always takes me back, from the now to the past. That in itself already negates this adrenaline junkie theory.
In the last few years I have grown detached in ways that surprised even myself. As Dani joked at me on multiple occasions, "okay Chuck Bass", I'm uncertain if I was more amused that she compare me to a character in a TV show or the fact that I actually watched the show in its entirety and understood the reference. But I have to admit, my detachment had me question some of the feelings I thought I should have but I do not.
Over the last three years, many different friends have come and gone in my life. I have made new friends, and let others go. As we make different choices, I find the separation inevitable. Even though we may have spent a lot of time together, I am emotionally unaffected by their parting. I do not feel more alone or less alone with or without their presence. I don't seem to miss them nor do I have the urge to rekindle the old times.
Perhaps I've become jaded, or perhaps I am that well adjusted. Maybe I simply do not try to control anything in my life. However, if majority of the people are trying to control other people and their environment, does that make me the maladjusted one,? Because I don't follow the general behavior. If we are to identify this pattern base on normative behavior as "normal", then yes, one would have to conclude I am emotionally stunted, simply because I do not follow the norm.
I never understood why todays youth complain so much. From adults complaining about students being overworked to students complaining about their ability to handle the work load. When I was growing up there was no free time. Before school, my brother and I would copy newspaper during breakfast. We then attended school, then after school we play a sport. For my brother and I that was tennis. After that we attend Kumon to improve our mathematics. We get home, eat dinner, do homework, and then practice our Chinese. Then we go to bed, and wake up and do it all over again. On Saturday, we attended tutoring in the morning. And when our English was good enough we became the tutor every Saturday morning to noon. Friday and Sat night is Chinese Opera. Sunday is Chinese School. The time in between a few hours here and there we are allow to have the time to play video games.
Every immigrant that follow that protocol of immersion know the fruit of the benefits of such practice. Back in my old school, I had two students one Asian and one Hispanic that both are new to the country. Both started in ESOL 1. Both parent ask me about how to work with their kids. I told both parents the success in these situation is highly dependent on their expectation for their kids. 1.) do not allow the to speak their native tongue around their peers that spoke their language 2.) make sure they read everything they can get their hands on, and don't let them not read or not do anything when they get home. 3.) tell them that they need to be out of ESOL in 1 year. Both mom had concerns about their kids being unhappy. I told both that it is a small price to pay, and they will be happier and better off if they push them. One year later, in 7th grade, the Hispanic parent did not take my suggestion and cater to the child. The girl is in ESOL 2 with Ds Es and Cs all the alphabet. The Asian mom, I told in Chinese, "you make it happen, I don't care what", the child is out of ESOL. Straight A top of her class.
We don't need education overhaul, we need to demand more from our children. We need to have higher expectation and stop worrying more about "feelings". Instead we need to push them to realize their maximum potentials. The education system is so far to the left, that we are now worrying about every single little slight. Everyone is marginalize group. Everyone is a victim, and everyone is demanding for retribution from the all mighty invisible oppressor. A mentality that will inevitably fail every child and the next generations to come.
I have decided to go off social media for over two month now. Deactivated Facebook for two main reason.
1.) too many people posting political stuff that are propaganda. I am policy conservative, but socially moderate liberal. I stand in the middle of the fence. I know that both sides are ridiculous, and I know both candidate are ridiculous. But there are too many of my friends who have blind allegiance towards their party. Since Facebook and media in general is very liberally biased in an extreme extent I find myself correcting people who are very single tracked minded that only want to hear the "facts" from their side of the camp. Frustrating, and surprise how many people I know prescribe to the philosophy of "if you are not part of SJW group (BLM, feminism, or the rainbow), you are automatically deem a racist, bigot, KKK supporter. Too many of these people that belong in these groups are join me or against me mentality. While most adults I know will tout the they are very moderate, and see both sides of the coin, yet somehow when it comes to politics there seem to be one side. Facebook has just becomes a sounding board for fanatical victimizers who is hunting for the faceless oppressor, virtue signaling to their peers that "they are a saint", and anyone who disagree with them is "going to hell or is the devil".
2.) my friends wife saw a comment I post on an anti feminist group post. I agreed with some of the things that said on the post. So I said "this is so true". On someone else's page no less, I didn't even share it, I just made a comment. She message me and attacked me. Like really, who does that? if you didn't like what I posted, that's fine. You might even said, "hey I know you are good guy, you been good to my family and we have been great friends, that post could be offensive to others who don't know you well". I would have gladly took that to heart and took it down and even possibly even cleaned up my facebook just out of sheer respect for such cordial response. You know... that normal reaction that friends do. Nope. This was a gross over reaction that basically said we cant be friends anymore because you commented on something I don't agree on, on someone else's post that offended me. Underlying prejudice and racism? Maybe. But a gross over reaction no less.
I even took the liberty of deleting snapchat, Instagram, and anything else that was on the phone that wasn't direct interaction.
It is surprising how highly these apps impact my frequency I reach for my phone. Once these apps are deleted. 1.) found my battery life on my phone greatly extended 2.) I almost never reach for my phone 3.) my data usage dropped significantly.
What's even more surprising is that I don't for a second feel less connected. The people that I talked to still talks to me. The people that I never talk to, I still don't talk to them. I don't miss my internet friend who frequently likes my post or comments on my post. I text people more that I may have in the past wouldn't contact simply because we already have had internet "interaction" that suffice as real interaction.
I told everyone that I'm not coming on until after the Election. Everyone was dubious of me making it that long. And yet, I have no desire to return, and I'm almost even considering never returning to the facebook, snapchat and many other time wasters.
However, I do have a plan. That if I do comeback, all my social medias will and must have a theme. It was a means to an end and it shall be again, for marketing my travels and rides to share with people of my adventures and like minds alike. Nothing more. No more Anti any group, no more friends who are in any SJW or Anti any group. Only travel people. Block everyone's feeds so I get no updates, never reach for my phone other than posting my travel logs etc. I will only keep people I speak to, and no one I never talk to. That means deleting everyone on my friends list that I don't talk to.
It all seems like a big deal before, but honestly it isn't. Not after being disconnected for so long.
This past week another child died in the local high school. They are going to inevitably string all these kids together as a social justice initiative about the over working of children. Then, we will have all these suicide program, where the focus is not gender focus and mostly will be attended by girls. Never mind that men across the world suicide at 3 times the rate of women. Never mind that all the students that died this year at the high school are all boys. Two whites and an Asian. None of them the right color for SJW to make a point about minorities marginalization, or feminist to claim marginalization. OR BLM to walk in support of BLM. This will inevitably be about suicide with no gender focus attached, because men that are not the right color are simply are not the socially acceptable victims. And that is just wrong on every level.
I took a ride by myself yesterday out to route 48. I haven't ridden any distance on my own for a while now. I have to say, it reminded me how awesome riding with no voice and sound was. I had a lot of time in my own thoughts, and a lot of things cleared up in my mind as if I was meditating. A sense of feeling I have had not felt in a long time. Perhaps riding solo is something I need to continue to do more often.
In the last year and a half, my fathers health has decreased steadily. His affect also decreased. While I hope the next surgery next week provide him some better mobility. If he has mobility, I can see him becoming much happier and active. Which also means his quality of life will greatly improve, and my mothers life will greatly improve from not having to take care of him 24/7.
I am still contemplating my riding around the world trip before 40. Perhaps I need to start seriously planning it soon. Think about cost, locations to stop in, where to stop for parts if need be. Permits, crossings and the whole 9 yards. It needs to happen this life time, not the next. Let the planning begin.
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Go Pro Highlight Reel
Total Mileage 4803
Truck Mileage 3455
Dr650se Mileage 1348
Day 1
Mount Evans Road
Rampart Range Road
Day 2
Pikes Peak
Day 3
Animas Fork
Ophir Pass
Day 4
Geyser Pass
Arches National Park
Day 5
Moab
Day 6
Dolores Triangle Safari Route
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Day 6 - 182 miles
We unloaded our bikes and took on Hells Revenge
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Day 5 - 196 miles
196 easy miles going over Geyser Pass. Utah was pretty quick to come up. A little bit of slab and we arrive without any drama
Geyser pass starts with lots of wild life. No fence. We saw deer and cows either crossing the road of on the road. This random lake that infested with swarms of flies or mosquito. We didn't stay long enough to find out. Very mild but fun off-road
We come into Utah, into Spanish valley
Arches National Park. We rode in Arches until the sun is down around 9 pm.
The go pro didn't capture the night footage very well. Some what disappointed. We went down a gravel road at the end of arches. It was a short 4x4 trail but it was pretty fun. We went total hooligan style with minimal protective gear. Lol. Disturbingly it didn't bother me at all. The heat will be crazy tmr, when we are hitting the trails on Moab. Until then, our days are shorter and I'm too excited of the next day to really have any time to reflect. For now, it'll be picture story.
Go pro picture will be sift through, but right now there are like 5 mil of them, and unless I get back really early I can't get through them all.
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Day 4 - 106 miles
Our adventure yesterday was nearly all dirt, other than the stretch of 550 coming down from Ouray. There are tunnel passing is all over the highway
We try the alpine trail head on, It wasn't anything we haven't done. But last time we rode up heavy incline and huge rocks, we dropped our bikes a few times. We decided we want to not break out bikes since we still have Moab to hit.... little did we know as we learn from others on the road later on, that was the hardest part. And it flattens out when you crest the top. 60% up the crest, before we turn around. If we kept up with it another 100 ft we probably would have seen it clearing up.
These guys on these large KTM 1190 rode up some sketchy passes. Makes us look like newbies. I was telling Jeff, all these guys out here are like 50-60 year old men. We also find that a lot of them are motocross riders at their younger age. I really have wished I had those experiences when I was younger. I either be more beast now, or dead. Lol.
On our way to Animas Forks. We also met a few guys on smaller bikes, drz400, ktm, etc and they chatted us up, and we end up at the same lunch spot. They show us the trail maps and where to go since they have done some of the stuff already in the past. They also assure us Ophir road was doable. It was obviously a mountain pass that cut through the mountain. We knew it will be rocky and steep.
Ophir Pass beginning. And it got interesting fast.
Lots of blind hairpins with steep incline. We eventually made to the top of Ophir Pass. There was very windy at the top.
Heading down is very scary. Its changing your underwear scary. The scenery however, is unlike anything I have experienced. The Switzerland of America, is what they call this place. Having been there two years ago, I have to say its just as impressive. Kids here are also slow.
We arrive in Telluride. We also ate light on the road. We end up at Angler inn just outside of Placerville. Very nice place.
Not really in the mood to blog about things. I'll probably write more when we get into Moab today. :) Enjoy the picks
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Day 3 - 309 miles
Today was our travel day. We thought it was going to be rather mundane traveling day.... boy were we wrong. Route 50, yes the same route 50 from MD, was absolutely jaw dropping beautiful. 100 miles from mountain passes to open fields, twisty long sweepers to rivers and reservoirs. It was glorious.
We started the day getting ready. Left around 9:30. We quickly reached Pikes Peak check point. It was much colder up pikes peak than Mt Evans probably due to the fact we were there earlier in the morning.
We ate lunch at local deli in woodland park. They had this posted in the deli, don't know if this is genius or ....
There were so many off road passes along the way, on route 50, but we really couldn't take them if we wanted to get to our destination any time before 9.
We arrived at Ouray, CO. Apparently they are know for hot springs... who knew lol
It was a long day. We were both exhausted upon arrival. The long stretch of elevation climb and 65 mph speed limit really put the Doctor to its speed limits. Its most comfortable at 55 to like 63. Anything higher is easier with tail wind, or constant 3/4 throttle. I was constant 3/4 throttle for a long stint. I ended up with 42 mpg, Jeff got 44 mpg. Our typical was 52 and 54 mpg. HUGE drop. Upon elevation climb above 8, 000 - 11,000 the more we go up the more we had to be on constant throttle to stay up to speed. You can feel the lost of power in the engine.
Ouray was very much similar to eureka springs, down in the valley and in the base of the mountain surrounding us. It was amazing. Lots of locals here, very interesting atmosphere. People are really friendly. I always wonder in the small town. Do the people just come to the same bar every night? I really could move out here, ride every day. Explore the wild west.
More to ponder for another day. Video takes a bit to go through, I'm still trying to find a way to quickly do it, and post them.
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Day 2 - 195 miles
Our track for the first day landed us 195 miles and ended in Colorado Springs. We took route 6 as suggested by our local host. It was magical. We will take it on the way back via returning to Denver and put up some video footage.
Pat is our host for the truck, and gave us some tips of where to go. Just randomly trusting someone you don't know, and being completely okay with it, is liberating. It frees us from preconception of prejudice and fear we have accumulated over the years. Our fears and negative experience become our prejudice, each and everyone has it, it is our natural adaptation to survive. But as we become older, and accumulate more things in our psyche, our lives become more and more narrow. And dare I say, more and more prejudice. (i'll follow up with a more detail post, flushing out this opinion later)
Truck in driveway, in a safe place. We even store our drinks and ramp in his garage.
Idaho Springs, I saw the hotel I stayed at 4 years ago. It's quite exciting recognizing things from the past. Then we went up Mount Evans Road
We break intermittently as we climb the elevation to avoid altitude induce sickness. This is around 12000 or 13000 feet. We had to put some layers on as well, due to the fact its getting colder and colder, and we saw some ice on the way up. My Dr with the aftermarket filter from pro-cycle, fuel screw adjustment, and needle up a notch is running like a beast all the way to the top. My snack was about to explode on its own, I had to open it and eat a bunch.
We hiked o the top, some dude ask Jeff if the water pack was an oxygen tank, and if he had bad lungs. lolol
We made it, some young girl volunteered herself for our photo op while I was trying to use the selfie stick. It was really nice of her.
The weather is amazing. Last time I was up here, there was all kinds of cloud. Today I could see all the peaks from the observation deck. That and I was a lot more prepare for the cold atop the mountain. This made the trek up much much more enjoyable when I was at the peak. Experience does pay off.
Cactus Jack, live music, good food, and even better location. I should just move here. Nothing wrong with the east coast, but around here in the mountains is where I feel the most alive.
Rampart range road. Incredible amount dirt road, that goes on for infinity. What's even more impressive is that the park is a terrain park for off road sports. So all along the trail to the left and right you can see people running the trails on their dirt bikes.
Jeff also helped some local with directions. Yes.... you heard that right, he was helping out a local who was lost.
Ended at garden of the gods. Great day, Whats even more awesome, is that we went at closing and when we are coming out, the cop ask Jeff to run into the park with his bike and get everyone out. I'll have to edit the footage on the go pro at a later date to post. It was pretty epic. Riding your bike in the garden of the gods. Probably the one and only time in history. Lol .
Colorado and Utah Summer 2016 Day 1 + 2 - 1743 mi
First day, we started when Jeff got off work. I thought, I was going to have plenty of time, since I got out of work around 3, but instead I had to drive back to work, because I left the charge cord for my laptop there. So, when he showed up at 7:30 I just got ready no more than 15 min sooner. Packing is always an interesting art, no matter how many times you do it, there is always a chance that something will be forgotten. We drove over 24 hours straight. Made a few pit stops, and made it just a little later than anticipated.
We left at 7:30 PM from college park. Our first stop for gas, was around 10:37, we were so tire from working a full day. After I took over I only drove 75 miles, and I had to take a nap. Jeff napped an hour as well and offer to take over. And he trucked on.... literally. Our roles reversed during the break of dawn. I did more rounds than he did. But after breakfast we were much better
We stopped at the Arches. Then the sun fully risen
When we reached Kansas, we stopped at their famous Joe Kansas BBQ. To our surprise it was very much like mission BBQ in style. The food was amazing!
We finally arrived at 10:30 at Pat's place. We don't know pat, we simply corresponded via online. Via Facebook. He has offer to let us park our truck at his house in his driveway. He was up waiting for us when we arrive. Help us unload the bikes into his garage for safe keeping for the night. We drove to La quinta hotel just around the corner. Accommodations are excellent.
The motorcycling culture of helping others, but even more so, trusting others by simply believing the best in others is something we lack so much in this world. Actions of humanity speak far more than ideologies of change. As I debate many controversial topic with my colleagues and friends over the recent events unfolding in the news, I know one thing to be true. Everyone has an opinion, and many people do not agree. but the question is not about whether we agree or not. It is about what will you do moving forward to support others to make this world less segregated. And the question that people often never asked is, what I am doing now "does it just feel right? or does it actually solve the problem?".
Spring Break 2016 - Italy
The day before you leave is always filled with bittersweet emotions. Even though you have one more day with your travel companion, you are dealt with the inevitable separation that comes from a conclusion of any trip. The friends you have met, that you have finally gotten comfortable, will have to say our goodbyes. Even with such technological advancement of social media, there is little to no chance of ever a reunion in this life time. We are left with the choice of withdrawn to lessen the inevitable pain of separation or to advance ahead and be dreamers of that infinitesimal chance meeting in the future. I have more than once chosen the former, perhaps I'm a pessimist or perhaps a realist. I do not know if I do it to lessen my own pain or the pain of others, or perhaps this awkward final farewell keeps me safe from emotional investments.
Its always interesting when I look back the pictures, like the one above, this was taken in Venice, on the Gondula, 2nd day, I have not spoken to any of them yet, but the familiarity now looking at the picture, give the illusion that time is fluid.
Italy is as religious of a place as it is old school. While the technology has improved the traditions have remain. Gender roles have retain. A certain kind of rigidity and rule following is ingrain into the persona of the general masses
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I've never been very religious, but religion has always fascinated me. The power it held over the zealous believers, the cruelty that one impose their believe on others, then turn around and celebrate those cruelty as one rises like a Phoenix from its ashes.
I have nothing against religion, I simply find the hypocrisy in the people that interpret them, hard for me to have faith in the scripture. However, when I come to this place. A place into the clouds, with fields as far as my eyes can see, with people generations after generations living with the same devotion for their life, I can not help but recognize its power over me.
My kids have grown up a lot over this trip. Each and every one of them I have notice them becoming more independent. While they may not notice, the trip has made them a lot more self sufficient. I remember when we first left, they stood at the airport waiting for their mothers to get their plain tickets for them with their passport. They look at me for directions of where to go and what to do. "What gate are we Mr.Yang" they would ask me or rather nag at me incessantly. It is never the question that bothers me, but the lack of initiative. A better question would be "where do we find what gate we are suppose to go to".
Its never too early to help children gain independence. To gain independence comes from the smallest things. In fact, they are even more significant than any major decisions. Simple things like choosing where to go to eat, to wondering the streets looking for interesting things, to making everyday choices is the truest form of independence. The traditional ideology has always been, give the person a task and let them complete it by themselves on their own, but that is a
mistake. Doing a task does not gain confidence on making decision, it simply gain confidence on completing the task, because the task is simplify through constraints. When all the constraints are taken away, how can one make sense of the surroundings and decisions to be made?
This differentiation while subtle in theory is polar in reality. You can provide a person with directions of an ikea nightstand to complete. It is a task and has constraints. Or you give them 40 dollars, and say, "i need something to hold my phone by my bed, figure it out". One will always net you a ikea night stand, be it broken or poorly installed. The other will lend you to endless possibility through the creative mind of the individual.
Giving constraints and allow others to follow and mimic is not growth, but simple indoctrination. The way things have been done, does not have to continue to be done the same way. That will always be true.
My choice is not the choice I seek for them. It is not the right choice, it is simply a choice. I want them to make their own choice.
Group think is a dangerous thing, it always have been the foundation for extremist groups, racist, fascist, and the politically correct police. As each generation changes hands, the name may have changed to cover up behaviors of oppression through silent indoctrination, the process remain unchanged. We as the next generation, must think on our own, find our own confidence to take the road less traveled, even if we are to walk with only our shadow to comfort us.
So I let them decide instead of deciding for them. There was a lot of uncertainty, no one wants to make a decision. Yet little by little as time wore on, they realize I was not going to make the decision for them, either they think I'm a spineless fool or encouraging their independence (it doesn't really matter, lol), they started to make decisions on their own and began to be confident in their decisions.
While they would never truly know my performance as the bumbling fool enable them to step up their game, they probably would also never truly know how proud I am of each of them.
As I spoke to Josh and his wife, who I find are the greatest of people, even though we have many differences we understood many fundamental concepts. Don't panic, don't fear. It is what we always teach the students. On the surface it is about those basic tenants of what we teach them not to do, but the more important lesson is that we as adults never panic, never freak out, cause what we show, shows up in our students, and our kids. They learn their emotional stability from those who they put their faith in.
When you are out and about, traveling in a group, the most beautiful thing, as Josh stated that I have always preached as well. All things gets stripped. Social class, cliques, and every social conditioning we know of becomes voided for just that time being. The nerds are friends with the cool kids, the haves are friends with the have nots.
The barriers to entry erases itself, and for those who are truly open age and race, and everything goes out the window. It has been the most beautiful thing that warms my heart each and every time.
Adults tend to forget these things, and put up barriers, and ostracize themselves. People who love hierarchy and demands titling will always seek to separate themselves. The first time I spoke to our tour guide Fortuna, she told me "you have to show them (the kids) that you are in control, they like that". I smiled and nodded. I knew what she meant. I was too friendly with my kids, and I needed to put up a persona of the pupil and teacher separation.
Minho and Jeremiah (I mean Russell) climb the wall of the castle in Assisi. Totally, not for climbing, but it was too good to pass up.
The adventure is in all of us. But fear over time for some denies us of our nature.
Yet, that is a philosophy that is as old as the beginning of time. Hierarchy is what separates us. It is what creates the barriers of the haves and have not. It has never been a philosophy of mine to push for that distinction, but I have met many, if not majority of people, who have lived by this philosophy. I do not discredit them for their way of educating others, but I do not need to conform to their needs, when mine philosophy have reaped countless rewarding and effective feedback. But alas, people will try to tell you that you are wrong if you aren't like everyone else. Ironically, this mentality of conformity is the same mentality that started every war, hate crime through religious or political believes. Thanks, but no Thanks.
As I finish this post in my office, first day back at work readjusting beyond jetlag (but the loss of familiarity of my travel companions), I wonder if they are missing me as much as I am missing them. I wonder if I will ever see them again, but then again even if we did, it would not be the same. As with any long duration of separation, people change. Change is inevitable and while many will try to recreate the magic, there is no denying that time does not stop.
As I have written before, everything comes to an end, and the moment can not last.
But perhaps that's why I write. To capture the moment, a moment in time where all our hearts are one, heading the same place, and enjoyed each others company without barrier and social pressure. They will be part of my life and my memories forever. Thank you.
For those that have been interested in my novel, below is the link. I would love some feedback if you buy it and read it.
http://www.amazon.com/Three-Broken-Promises-Lony-Wolf/dp/1478310448
Rome day 6!
Italy day 5 - Rome!
Day 4! - Pisa!
Italy day 3
Italy day 2
Bell Italia - 2016 spring break day 1
2016 Some reflection on the year. *resolution perhaps to come.
This is my 5th year as a school counselor, and it marked the longest time I have stayed in one profession thus far, other than being a student. This is the second year at a down county school. The demographic is completely different here, compare to up county. The majority of the students here are minorities, the wealth disparity is greatly exaggerated from one community to the next. While most of the community are at the lower end of the spectrum versus middle and upper. Where as in the up county school it was mostly middle and upper class with a sprinkling of poorer families. Majority of the up county students are Caucasian.
The most glaring difference from there and here is the amount of parent involvement. Up county is 300% and over the top helicopter parents that might as well be watching over your shoulder when you do your work. The down county are the absentee parents that you can not find any working numbers for, and even if you did they did not have transportation to make it to school for a meeting. There are negatives in all side of the extreme spectrum, but I will say I prefer working with the students than working with the parents. At least with the students, you can give them a chance to become more than just their "fathers son".
If there is one thing I have learned as a counselor over the last half decade, which have became clearer to me each day, is that majority of the people lack the ability for empathy. People are not able to put themselves in other peoples shoes. They are unwilling to accept different cultures and social practices. They are quick to judge and condemn anything and everything that is not familiar to them. As if it threatens their ego, and their existence dependent on their prejudice.
I was sick most of 2015. It started in January when I had a food poisoning incident. After 3 days of recovery, and able to take in fluids, I thought the worst is over. Instead, what perpetuated was a year long food sensitivity that never truly resolved itself until couple month ago. I got tested with everything under the sun. Nothing came up. But my guts was not happy. The initial months I had cramping every time I ate, then other symptoms risen from urgency to use the restroom to bloating. The symptoms subsided as I took different types of food out of my diet. Mainly dairy, but I soon learn that taking out eggs and red meat was also helpful.
It is incredibly hard to take out dairy, as it is part of almost every single food. From cream base soup to salad dressings. I first adopted a bland diet plan, that moved to more adventurous alternatives. Egg was also problematic, from omelet to stir fry, to my morning 2 egg routine. But alas it seems like everything has finally came to some agreement to my stomach.
When you engage in these face to face or even online deliberations with the general masses, the challenge is not finding the facts to counter their facts, but rather it is to form proper conjectures that is quick, lucid, and succinct. All of which there is very little information provided in the normal media if you are looking to go against the grain of political correctness. But alas, there are a lot more people fighting the good fight than we are led to believe by the media. You just have to study it from the pros, and be brave enough to stand against the masses. Perhaps one day I'll talk about the gender bias myth or affirmative action. Today, I'll just talk about the perception of motorcycling.
Motorcycling is dangerous. There is no doubt. So is driving. So is any recreation activity that brings your blood boiling and makes you feel alive. People have always thought motorcycles is either cool or dangerous or both. There is no doubt, that there are reckless bikers out there. There are no doubt that many of them do it for the image. But posers are everywhere. From cars to houses, to handbags, and gym junkies. But riding is different for those who live the culture of motorcycling.
Riding out hundreds if not thousands of miles away from home with nothing but the iron horse beneath you, is a modern day phenomenon. When you meet fellow riders on the road, there is an instant bond and connection. Unlike the different types of riders you meet in the local Starbucks and restaurant, people on the road personifies the same freedom you also experienced. We are not talking about the freedom of the open road, we are not talking about some heuristic defining moment of release from emotional bondage. For a long while I have wondered, what do I mean when I say freedom on a motorcycle? What does it actually mean?
In this last year of ups and downs; with more downs than I can count that is beyond my own control, I did not find as much time to ride as I would have liked. As I regress into world of the never ending rat race, I find myself feeling trapped and frustrated at the world around me. As I swung my foot over the saddle this past weekend, I understood this freedom that has eluded me for so many years.
Riding is not about the danger, its not about the rush for me; while there is plenty of both and I enjoy them thoroughly. Those extremes are for those who spend their days on the track or ride like idiots on the public road. It is not about the fashion and image; while I do enjoy my new found fixation on leather and boots. The fashionable bikers are relegated to those who put a couple hundred miles on their bikes a year, and cruise from Starbucks to Starbucks and never go more than a league away from their comfort zone.
Riding for me is a psychological freedom, freedom from your own mind and your own limitations. It is freedom derived from the courage to leave all things familiar to explore the road less traveled. Freedom to forego all the amenities of the city life or the life of plush accommodations, and travel the road to let go all expectations.
No one is looking, there are no social pressure, and there you are; just yourself and your travel companion. You are not the car you drive, not the house you own, not the girlfriend or boyfriend you have, not how cute you look, but you are just a person looking for hope and adventure. You must get along with the person next to you, behind you, or sitting with you, because you depend on them and they depend on you. The road, makes me modest, and gives me humility. The greatest gift of our humanity that people often forgets.
People to People Europe Heritage Tour 2015 - recap
Our trip traverse 7 countries, above is a rough map.
1 Switzerland
2 Austria
3 Germany
4 Holland
5 Belgium
6 France
7 United Kingdom
For the longest time, I have neither cared nor valued the need to travel. There were many reasons, but perhaps the most important one was financial solvency, second to debilitating health conditions. Everyone has travel down this road at one time or another in their lives, and in part some of these are derived from fear. We seldom talk about fear, because fear goes hand in hand with rationale and control.
Fear can be derived from infinite amount of situational variables. Of the most common Ive seen comes in three different folds. 1.) physical ailment - fear of some kind of debilitating health condition that derives the need to control all environment around them. 2.) unhealthy attachment - tying one's ability to function or self worth relating to other individuals, often times significant others or children. 3.) Psychological fixation - the need to be "organized" or the need to "plan everything".
We can rationally identify what activity we deem too dangerous, unsafe, or simply out of the reach of our logic spectrum. More often than not these logic are supplemented with social conditioning, which nullifies our need to reexamine our pathology.
We miss out so much of our world, as we build who we are and what we represent. Ironically, who we are and what we represent is build upon our experience and what we are expose to. As the saying goes "you don't know what you don't know". If you never been anywhere farther than the reaches of your own microcosm existence, you may be happy with the things that you are given and never ask for more. But given more, we must realign ourselves with the new information, and create a new equilibrium.
The question is never where I should go next, but rather the underlying question that people seldom ask after a worldly experience is "what do I do with the knowledge that is acquired?", and perhaps even more important "how is this knowledge impacting me in ways I have yet to understand?"
The original leader to student ratio is suppose to be 10 to 1. Instead we ended up with 49 kids and only 4 leaders. There were students of all ages, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17. While some younger ones acted older, and some older ones acted younger, the group as a whole is eclectic beyond just the obvious maturity level. There were definite social economic differences, there was difference in home training, and then there is the defining segregation that always interest me the most; the difference of social emotional maturity with no correlation to the age or social economic stance of the individual. It is a defining characteristic between a leader and not.
We arrived in Zurich... Which is kind of ridiculous, because we end up staying here during the day, to only drive over to Austria.... for 3 days and then come back to Switzerland. Poor planning or money saving at the expense of the students.
At this point, I didn't know anyone's name. We have always let them pick groups since day one, I have always been a big proponent of not allowing people to pick their own group. Left to your own vices, people always pick the same group of kids they are most familiar with, they never branch out, because they never have to. This is the biggest problem of segregation by race and ethnicity, everyone just crowd around people that are most like them.
I'm still curious how to read this water table markings. If they are that at all.
I passed out on the stairs, everyone seem very amused at this... I already knew from the beginning that sleeping anywhere I can is the key to being on the top of my game. Cause you really don't know when the next time you can rest. Sure the kids will always have their break time, but as an adult leader, if duty calls I have to be there.
Verda always says "wow you are a really trusting person", (relating to the fact that I can be robbed or worse in a public place) but the reality is that I sleep very light, I never need anyone to tell me its time to go, because while I'm sleeping, I'm really only half asleep.
Switzerland was very pretty. Streets were clean in Zurich, and even later on in Lucerne it was very clean. I was pretty impress at the people on the street compulsively cleaning the light pole advertisements.
At day end, we are at the explorer hotel, and we walked up this light hill to dinner.
Next morning we gathered, the hotel is nice, but they want everything cash... Total bullocks, how can a place only take cash. Then they want more money for the wifi... 10 Euro for everything. That's more expensive than buying a monthly pass at the airport. What a joke.
I was rather amused to see the word bimmer on this building, which in the terminology I know, means BMW motorcycles affectionately known as 'bimmer'
Austria's sweeping countrysides, curvy roads, and endless mountains as far as your eyes can see. I miss my bikes. People think its an adrenaline junkie thing, and for some it might be, but for me its the freedom. Freedom to explore. Beyond the cookie cutter tourist attractions, there exist still a world of wonders for us to discover on our own; if you are brave enough.
Our first day was filled with adrenaline fun. I have to admit, i never felt more at home.
Many of the courses that were build would likely not be found in the states, or perhaps more out West is more likely, due to the litigious nature of Americans.
These courses were pretty challenging. Allison end up falling off at the end of the course. I cant help to feel like it was my fault. It was a blind zip line and I couldn't see if she was off the platform yet, and when I came down, I think it spooked her, and she slipped and fell.
We then hiked to the peak of Golm mountain. Well half of us did.
A lot of people came along on the hike. There are many little things I have to teach the kids, like if you are in the front you have to keep pace and look back regularly to not be too far ahead. Hydration was also a key factor, so you don't fatigue out early from dehydration.
As a group, and as a leader, you always have to watch out for others, especially those that may not be as fast as you. That in itself in a nutshell is basics of leadership. When you look out for others beyond yourself, when you are there to motivate and help others along. At that point, you officially moved beyond a narcissistic teenage brat to an adult. Ironically, many people never make that leap even when they are older.
Adrienne, stayed in the back of the line, and waited for kids that was much slower.
If I'm honest, I would say the food was mediocre at best. The serving size is the same for a 95 lb girl versus a 200 lb adult like myself.
I visited the cemetery when the scavenger hunt began. I really like cemeteries, I'm not sure if its the peacefulness or the reminder of our mortality that humbles me.
Eventually, I made my way to the outskirts of the city. I love their road signs, the pictures is so easily understandable, with no words of any kind.
I took a group of the kids at night for a long hike. We run up the stream and did some rock hopping. Everyone's shoes got wet. lol. I admit it was a bit dangerous for some whose balance wasn't as good. I told each and everyone of them how to dry their shoes.
1.) wring it out as best as you can
2.) remove the shoe lace and take out the insole
3.) put a towel in there and soak up most of the moisture, and remove after 30 min to 45 min.
4.) put dryer sheets at the very end of it, to soak up the moisture.
My shoes dried in one day. Theirs.... well they didnt pay attention, and only did 1 or 4 or 2 or 4. So theirs didn't dry for several days. #fail #kidsdontpayattention
And... we went back to Lucerne... Switzerland... didn't we come here already? yes... wtf... terrible planning.
My travel leaders! We had alot of fun together.
The whole gang.
We then did some community service
The ones who build the benches lucked out from doing yard labor. I think yard labor is a lot more strenuous than putting together tables. lol.
These guys worked the entire time, they were troopers. They weren't particularly good, but they kept at it.
Its no surprise, that most of them, if not all of them have never worked a day in their life. Two minutes in, they start looking around and start complaining. Some one... I wont say who, was like "Mr. Yang, you do this", first of all that's just rude and second I can do it 100 times better. So I showed them how to do it, and he just stood there and watched. But hey he thought he was clever with his constant passive aggressive behavior, what a douche bag. Apple never falls far from the tree, cause all these are learn behaviors.
I told the boys to walk the path, since they were building the benches. They ran through it. They were good sports and had fun.
The first of many castle that we visited... tbh... after the 2nd one they all look the same.
glass art was particularly amazing and caught my eye.
So we didnt have a volleyball... and they didnt have one for us... What kind of pool resort that have multiple volleyball court dont supply at least rentals? That totally boggles my mind... so if you want to, you have to bring in your own ball.
So we saw three older guys come in with volleyballs. I told the girls to go borrow them, and bam! we got a volleyball. lol.
Im full of bad ideas, I told the boys to surf the slides. So they all tried it and failed miserably. Then comes Suzanna who showed everyone up. lol. Later on the lifeguard told everyone not to stand up on the slide anymore. I knew that was coming, but it was worth it while it lasted.
The three day of Homestay in Germany was pretty bleh for me. My host was a teacher, women, who was super very wishy washy about showing me around. The husband was much more open. I didn't have cash for the dinner before, but the husband graciously paid for it. The day after the wife mention something passive aggressive about "oh its a cheap day for you". I hate it when people do that shit. Like seriously? its freaken 12 euro you spent on one day and 15 on another. If it was such an issue, you should have never volunteer to be a host family. So when I left I left them 50 Euros. Why? because I don't owe people favors. Either we are friends, and I will get you next time, or we aren't. In this case, we aren't.
They did however gave me a bed, and place to shower, so I am grateful for their hospitality, but seriously, I would have had a better time staying in a hotel and went out myself... some people are so uptight and rude.
Those arrows were so bent, I surprise anything actually hit.
Outside the cathedral. It was a pretty epic place... but again, we went to so many, by the 3rd one it was all the same. lol
We then arrive at Holland. Ann Frank house. It was very cool inside.
Un-impressed with the food, and the streets was so damn gross.
They have every kind of weed assortment here. Ean would be very happy. I would totally have tried some for fun, if I wasn't with the kids. Maybe that's for another time.
The farm petting area.
Then Joey discover the hay jamboree park. We jumped around. It was fun!
World Peace Center... We couldn't even go in... most worthless stop ever. lol
We got stopped by the police, because our bus driver... Mario over worked his hours. Man was Mario a horrible driver. He couldn't find his way, couldn't make 5 feet without Andrea helping him. What a fail.
They took their own photo on my tablet. lol So fobby.
The windmill, we rode bikes in holland. Its like those obligatory things to do. Even though we rode through the rain...
Belgium carriage ride
This is where the fight broke out... enough said rofl.
WWI museum, love the weapons.
Palace of Versailles. I could and would spend a whole day there if given the opportunity. But of course Mario got us lost, so we lost an hour .... he really is the worst bus driver ever.
Champ-Elyse - so cool. Now I've seen it with my own eyes.
Pole hopping, of course I went for the tallest one... cause 2nds best is just not the Asian way.
Me Rodney and Andrew ran up the steps before dinner.
The church me and Adrienne visited after dinner.
I took this sketchy side path down... it was mad sketchy. Two large men try to talk to me about buying either drug or what else. I stepped back when I saw them, and got into a defensive stance, because I didnt want to get butt raped. They backed off, probably because I was about the same height, and pretty decent shape and they thought probably it was too much trouble for them.
The Louvre, and Mona Lisa and me. I have to teach the kids how to squeeze in the crowds and how to use crowd control in groups to get photos. Nice guys do finish last, alas we were not nice. We all got our candid shot with Ms. Lisa. That's how you do it. :)
Ultra premium bathroom in the Louvre
That you can choose your own toilet papers... da faq
I might just quite my day job and start a premium bathroom business.
Iffel Tower
The Squad
Overlooking France
My kiddos. when we were gathering to leave, Andrea's friend Victoria, who joined us for both days in France, mention that the motorcycle base layer I was wearing "sedici" meant 16. I felt like the dumbest American ever... lol. She also thought I was one of the kids, rofl. She seems really nice nonetheless, it helped that she was pretty cute, lol.
The original cemetery site... only a few saw this, cause I end up roaming the entire beach myself and the ones I saw I showed them. The rest didn't
Our p2p offering
Normandy cemetery, its quite the site. And hell of a view off the ledge to the ocean front.
History lesson with other delegation. So many of the other group of kids thought I was a kid. lol At one point, I had to show them my ID to validate that I was indeed ancient.
Then we visited a WW2 museum. I was only interested in the jeep. lol
more Castles
Interactive castle board game. This was pretty neat.
London Eye... I can totally dig London as a city.
Lecturing... I swear he speak so fast with an accent, I could not understand anything he is saying. The material was super boring... at least to me. lol.
Met up with Henning the last night we were there. Its been 13 years. He looks the same... so do I lol. It was a great reunion.
Throughout the trip, I have consistently wonder if I was going to be homesick. Its been 3 years since I broke out of my cocoon I have build for myself. I still clearly remember the 1st time I took the trip to the dragon with Yermo. About 200 miles in, I was dying to go home. The dying need to go back to my safety area. The same way, Josh wanted to go home so badly on the return of the trip from the dragon this year.
Ever since that day, and 400 miles after, I have wanted nothing more than to keep going. With no aim, no direction, but only the desire of exploration. I felt free from the irrational burdens in my mind. Sure I have a lot of responsibilities at home. I have to mow the lawn, my credit score issue needs to be resolved, I just got hit in an accident and need my car fix, I needed to pay this bill and that bill, and the list goes on and on. For some reason, it didn't matter to me, where in the past it was a fixation that I could not shake. Now it passes with the next thought .
Sure I wanted to get rid of some annoying kids, but I have never wanted to go home. That melancholy feeling on the final leg of the trip was always the most unbearable.I can tell some of the kids will miss this family we have created.
Human emotions is an intricate web that often eludes us. We may find our feelings and emotions, work their way back to us over time, or be trigger by future situations. We may feel a sense of nostalgia when we least expected. We may chuckled or smile under our breath when others wonder why we are talking to ourselves. I relish those moments. But make no mistake, the moment does not last.
I rode 200+ miles on the first Saturday back. I enjoy every minute of it, but as I sit here finally winding down on the first day that I have finally adjusted back from jet lag; I miss my travel companions. I miss many people that I have interacted regularly. I miss most the kids who made a connection with me. I don't miss the trouble maker nor the disrespectful kids. But as always, I find myself missing people I wouldn't think I would miss. Its always someone that I didn't talk to that much or paid much attention to them. They never seem to mean much to me during the trip. Yet, unbeknownst to me, I depended on their presence, and in this case I am waiting patiently for her to start the count off.
New Year Resolution and Recap 2014
So, as years come to pass, I made up things to fill the "stockings". There are many books out there that write about how to make new years resolution. Its not much different than goal oriented books, nor is it much different than how to be successful books. It has to be measurable, it has to be incremental (you cant go from zero to hero), and it has to be specific as to how the task will be accomplish within your daily work or school schedule.
Yet, I ponder what is so significant of this year that just passed. The year before I rode across the country, the year before that I finish my novel, the year before that I became a counselor. All different significance of my life, each has its own merits. What happened this past year? I rode and took minor trips, I change location for my job, I built a new bike. But I'm not sure if those are my really my resolutions from last year. Perhaps a more important truth is, I'm not sure if accomplishing those task net the feeling that I had a fulfilling year.
The beginning of last year I was still working at RMS. I have yet to make a decision to move from that berth. The truth is, I had my kids for 2 years and they are coming up to their 8th grade year. I have good relationship with many parents, and to top it off, I'm coming off my third year of my evaluation where now I am officially tenured. I love my job, and I love all the kids I worked with, and this was about to be the easiest year for me.
When you have been in a place for a while, and you have the benefit of understanding your peers and their quirks. You go to work, you do your job, you leave on the dot (because you are faster at getting your work done, and you know what is needed.) People depend on you, people rely on you, you come to enjoy the company of those who you are with, they come to rely on you emotionally and you on them. Amidst all the positive and comfort, as I ended my third year at the same school, I have come to term with a list of things that I like and dislike, and one invariable truth. The students we failed are our boys.
While I do not have anything against special interest groups, I find the basis of special interest prejudicial. It is not about equity, but "equality" for that group. Yet their brand of "equality" is really inversion. Most middle schools have 80% female professional staff and 20% male staff. While feminist activist will claim that higher level position in education are mostly operated by male, which is not false, and I will support that these claims are true and diversification needs to be considered. But... what about teacher ratio? are they going to turn around and advocate for equality for men in the school level? What about elementary school? which is almost exclusively female, are they going to advocate or at least acknowledge the lack of male role models in most elementary and middle school education? The answer is no. They will not. But they SHOULD. Because its about balance not a power struggle (but it is just a power struggle). So if we are going to practice what we preach, shouldn't we do it on all levels? In a school with 50% male and 50% female students shouldn't we be concern that all the counselor and admin are women? The answer is WE SHOULD. But we don't, WHY?
If we work with students that are doing poorly academically that all have similar background. Single parenting, on FARMS, and most happen to be African American and Hispanics with a sprinkling of other ethnicity, what do we focus on? Here is the kicker, most of them are boys, 80% to 90% are boys. What will people focus on? that they are AA or H. If the scenario was changed, and most of them are girls, there will be many advocates for the inequality. Where are these equal rights activist when its about boys and not girls? They are both our children of the future. Where are they? They are bystanders. WHY? because there is no benefit, money, or political support if the group is not an already socially accepted victim.
(this is the same truth for having 30% African American teachers in a school that has only 10% African Americans and 20% Hispanics and 5% Hispanic teachers. How is this equitable when we have just as many students of need that is Hispanic as many if not more than the African Americans? There is no large group support or push to have Hispanic teachers as we have with the African American special interest group. The special interest group will only keep promoting a propaganda until the % is overwhelmingly a racism problem or sexism problem the other way around -- but not to make the discussion convoluted, I'll just keep it on one topic)
Hence, while I support the theory behind special interest groups, I find the practice no less prejudice than the prejudice they are attempting to correct. The mountains of hypocrisy and power struggle only results in another group being shunted or forgotten. Our kids are the ones to suffer. Nothing says "the sins of our fathers" better than this social phenomenon.
At the end of my third year, I left RMS. I got a job closer to home, and basically nullify my commute, which is a giant bonus. But I miss my kids. The ones that really needed me to be their big brother they never had, and the ones who continue to miss me as I miss them. I worry about them regularly, wondering if my replacement was watching out for them as I did. Logic reasoning is that I should stay at RMS, its comfortable, its familiar, I love my counseling department and I really miss seeing my counseling registrar everyday.
I left two weeks into July. It wasn't a hard decisions nor was it an easy one. I got promoted, but it was always something I considered with much trepidation. It is in many ways, something I was not ready for and something I did not want. Politically correct people will jump on what I just said, and claim that I "was not suited cause I violated my 5th amendment, and claim I already didn't want the job". The truth is the opposite, those who fear leadership understand the gravity of responsibility, and their responsibility to those who they serve and oversee. Those who simply want leadership, title, and forced respect are always the worst type of leaders. While I do not claim to be any kind of leader, since that is for my co-workers to judge, I do feel a lot more pressure to care for my fellow co-workers. It is something I will always not want and always be vigilant of the pressure it has over me.
I will say this again and again, 'political correctness' is the new age racism/elitism/religion. It shuns those who does not think alike, who are not the same, or simply not 'progressive' or part of their special interest group.
I have been at my new school for 6 month now. WOMS is a very different demographics than RMS. There is only one bus and only handful of girls sporting their Uggs. I never grew up in a household where I got anything I wanted, but there is definite consideration that I never experience what these students gone through. Will I be able to connect with my students? After 6th month here I must say, I have connected more deeply with more students here than I have at RMS for two years. (There are students at RMS that I really connected, but they are much less in number than the number of students I have at WOMS)
WHY? Its rather simple actually. I teach chess on Tuesdays with Mr. V, but the difference is that the kids follow direction. No one is argumentative, I have no parents emailing me about who or what special needs their kids have to have. Everyone followed directions and as a result everyone improve dramatically more so than the chess group at RMS ever did. I'm already teaching kids about openings and rook odd games. I teach martial arts on Thursday with Mr. James. You must be thinking? Martial Arts? in School? Yes, I love this school. We have 16 to 18 strong in our group. We have turn boys who are silly into respectful young men. We teach kids discipline that they are able to transfer to their classwork. I arm wrestle a student who needed to test their manhood against a grown man. Yes we talked a lot of smack to each other, it was hilarious. Oh my god, you must be thinking... or at least some of you may think. Yet this kid comes to me for everything he needs help on. What is the difference? Kids freely jokes around with me, without fearing that they may say something 'not politically correct' and that I may reprimand them. The difference, is that in this environment my soul is restored, there is no political correctness to stand in between building real connections with other human beings.
So did I have a good year? I must say, that this year, was just as significant as the years pass. I took risks, and I was rewarded for my action. So do I have a new year resolution? Yes, there is only one.
#1 - Fear nothing, keep taking risks, because any less is not living
*** I got a few cards from people people from my old school. It was very heart warming. I have met some of the best people in my years are RMS. The one that made my year was that one of my student from RMS sent me a card on their own. I almost cried.
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